Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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