dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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