I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
