So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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