the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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