she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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