Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
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We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
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I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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