Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
