So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
