Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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