one might say we're banned from that church
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
