A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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