I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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