The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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