Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
