Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
