I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
