i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
