He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
