My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
