And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
