My friends, they love my intelligence
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
