i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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