If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
