we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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