They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
4 words: hood of his car
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Less talking, more tequila
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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