Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
she looked like the before picture.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
