i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
tell me about the eggs
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
