xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize