Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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