don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
