EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
