he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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