Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
