i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i think i scared a bird with my dick
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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