Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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