just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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