i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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