Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
