GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Do you have feelings for this penis?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
