We got so high we made milksteak
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
