I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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