Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
