Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
