let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
