bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
