her vagine was all disorganized.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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