you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need a sexual gate keeper
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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