Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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