I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
