I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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