Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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