I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
