we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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