I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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