In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
