WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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