I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
