You can't motorboat a personality
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
