I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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