I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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