I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize